Do You Know Who I Am?

I’m sitting here waiting for a woman to turn up from the bank I’ve been using for the last 15 years. She wants me to prove I am who I say I am.

I mean really…if I was going to pretend to be anyone, it wouldn’t be me.

Anyway, she rang yesterday because I want to open a new account for my self-administered pension. Despite the fact that I’ve been doing business with them for years, and they’re currently holding more of my money than it would take to solve the debt of a third world country, they’re still demanding to see my passport and driving licence before opening the new account.

Apparently it’s the law ~ money laundering regulations ~ or so they say. Every time you do anything new, they’re obliged to check you out all over again.

This is becoming something of a regular occurrence.

At the end of last week, I got a call from a solicitor who is handling the purchase of a property I’m partially financing for a third party. Here’s how the conversation went:

Solicitor: Can you tell me where the funds are from?

Me: From my bank account

Solicitor: But what’s the source of the funds?

Me: As I said, it will be coming out of my bank account. Do you want my bank details?

Solicitor: No, I need to determine the original source.

Me: Sorry, I don’t understand what you want.

Solicitor: Well where did the money come from? I need to establish a paper trail.

Me: What?

Solicitor: I need to establish that the funds are legitimate and not the proceeds of crime or drug sales.

Me: No, that’s my other account.

Solicitor: (Silence).

Me: Sigh…Just tell me what you need.

Solicitor: Sorry, it’s money laundering regulations.

And that’s how things are in Britain in 2020. You can’t even move, spend or invest your own money without the government forcing banks and solicitors (under threat of imprisonment) to investigate every last detail about you and the transaction.

If they’re in any doubt at all that you’re not who you say you are, or can’t (or won’t) account for exactly how you came by the money, then they’re legally obliged to shop you to the authorities. If they fail in this role of unpaid state snoop, they face swapping their comfortable office for a jail cell.

But it’s okay, because it’s for our own good ~ to fight crime, terrorism, drug dealing and the like ~ isn’t it?

Let me contrast what I’ve just told you with another ‘transaction’ I regularly make…

Twice a year, I receive a demand from the Inland Revenue for a depressingly large sum of money. I won’t tell you how much because I don’t want you feeling sorry for me, but it’s a lot. Now for some reason, they’ve never felt the need to check that I am who I say I am when I pay that bill. They never feel the need to establish a ‘paper trail’ to find out where the money has come from. They don’t seem to care. All they want is the money. They don’t even send me a receipt or an acknowledgement for goodness sake.

When I’m buying or investing for myself, the fight against crime is paramount. When I’m giving the money to them, they don’t give a stuff. Strange isn’t it? And there’s only one reason I can think of…

It’s because all these unpaid state snoopers aren’t in place to prevent money laundering – they’re there to prevent tax evasion…

And there’s not much danger of you doing that while you’re paying your bill.

Kind Regards

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John Harrison  

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